Rebecca and Esau: “Why Am I?” and “I Am Going to Die”
The question: What happens to the soul when Rebecca’s “Why am I?” meets Esau’s “Here I am going to die”?
The answer:
There is one question from Rebecca and one statement from Esau. Between them, we can find a searching reflection on our own lives.
When the children struggle within her, Rebecca asks:
im ken lamah zeh anochi
Translation: If so, why am I?
Before selling his birthright, Esau says:
hineh anochi holech lamut velamah zeh li bechorah
Translation: Here I am going to die; what use is the birthright to me?
Two instances of anochi, “I.” In both, a person faces difficulty and asks what the point is. But we should also listen to what happens after the words: Rebecca goes to inquire of God; Esau sells the birthright, eats, drinks, gets up and leaves.
“Why am I?”: when pain becomes a question
Rebecca is pregnant after years of waiting, and the children struggle within her. Her question is a hard one. Rashi explains that she asks why she longed and prayed for a pregnancy that brings such suffering. Ramban reads her words more starkly: if this is what she will endure, why is she in the world? He interprets them as a wish to die or never to have existed. Rashi on Genesis 25:22, Ramban there
According to Ramban, her distress reaches the question of existence itself. That makes the continuation of the verse stand out:
vatelech lidrosh
Translation: She went to inquire.
Rebecca turns to God with her question. Genesis 25:22
The answer opens a wider picture before her: two nations are in her womb, and their relationship will involve struggle and power. A story about the future now joins her personal distress. She will be the mother of two sons from whom two peoples will emerge. Genesis 25:23
Against this background, we can also reflect on her calling. Rebecca sets out to discover what is happening to her, and the answer reveals something of what will come from her. We do not know from this how she felt after receiving it, but the story shows her difficult question leading to an appeal and a discovery.
A “Why am I?” can remain a painful question about oneself. For Rebecca, it also becomes the beginning of an inquiry.
“Here I am going to die”: what is the birthright worth to me?
Esau comes back tired from the field and asks for food. When Jacob asks to buy his birthright, Esau sets death against it: if I am going to die, what use is the birthright?
Ibn Ezra understands the danger literally: Esau risks his life while hunting and may die before his father. On this reading, future rights lose their value in his eyes when he may not live to enjoy them. Ibn Ezra on Genesis 25:32
Rashi offers another approach: the birthright is connected to sacrificial service, which carries strict warnings and severe penalties. Esau hears about the responsibility and its dangers and gives up the role. Rashi on Genesis 25:32
These are different interpretations of his words. One emphasizes the hunter’s mortal danger; the other, his reluctance to take on the responsibility of the service. In the story itself, after the sale comes a short sequence of actions:
vayochal vayesht vayakom vayelach
Translation: He ate, drank, rose and went away.
The Torah adds its judgment:
vayivez Esav et habbechorah
Translation: Esau despised the birthright.
Eating and leaving are not sins in themselves. The Torah’s explicit judgment is that Esau despised the birthright. From here, we can also suggest a reflection on responsibility and potential: sometimes, in giving up something burdensome, a person also gives up a great possibility that lay before them.
Rebecca and Esau: what comes after the question?
For me, this is the strongest connection between the two verses.
For Rebecca, pain gives rise to a question, followed by an inquiry. She receives an answer revealing something about the future she carries within her.
For Esau, the thought of death appears as a reason to surrender the birthright. It is followed by the sale, eating and departure, and finally the judgment that he despised the birthright.
We can read the scenes side by side and ask: when life becomes difficult, what do we do with the question of meaning? Do we seek to discover what life may still hold, or hurry to give up something with a future?
When the two instances of “I” meet within us
There are moments when both questions feel close to home.
“Why am I?”: Why is it so complicated for me? Who am I amid everything happening to me? What am I supposed to do with this life?
And “Here I am going to die”: If life is short and fragile, why invest in something whose fruits I cannot yet see?
From Rebecca, we can take the very act of seeking an answer. Sometimes that inquiry will take place through study, prayer or a conversation with someone close. Sometimes we will need to ask again what matters to us and what we want to build.
From Esau’s story, we can take another question: what am I about to give up now? Has it truly lost its value for me, or is it something precious that is difficult to carry at this moment?
Here, “the birthright” can serve as our own metaphor: a relationship, a responsibility, a talent or an undeveloped possibility. We do not have to know in advance where all these will lead to give them room in our lives.